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blimey
WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH?
HEALING THE DAUGHTERS OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS
" Even though most daughters feel sad that they did not receive the proper love from their mothers, they have a deep belief system ingrained from childhood that they do not or did not deserve a loving mother. But you deserve it ! And if you didn't have this love, you must acknowledge that you didn't get it and that, as a result, you have this hole, a void, in your emotional development. Facing this sadness is crucial to developing your sense of self today. I'm not saying that you become permanently sad about this, but that you recognize it, face it, and allow yourself to feel sad about the pain this has caused you. We will move beyond this stage of grief. This is not where you will live the rest of your life."
Those closest to you (and some not so close) will discourage you from doing this important work because they do not understand just how important it is. They may not want to see you suffer, so they try to fix it. They don't understand that if you don't face this sadness, it will remain part of you forever. Do not listen to this unqualified advice. This is precisely why so many people today are projecting their feelings, misbehaving, creating crises for themselves and others, suffering from depression and anxiety, and are not being accountable for their own actions and emotions--- they're not facing the truth about their own pain.
Sometimes children understood the need to grieve and cry better than adults do. As I was writing this chapter, a friend emailed me a story about a four-year-old who understood something that many adults have forgotten:
This child's next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry!"
~Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
